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Saturday, June 4, 2011

Gettin Fancy!!

Just in case you haven't noticed I have been playing with the backgrounds and have updated most of the information and pictures on our blog....its about time, right?
I was inspired by my sweet friend Stephanie's blog and how darn cute it is!!!! I'm still learning so I bet it will change a lot before I am satisfied.

Tonight was a rough night, Eli found a picture of his mom and has become quite attached to it over the last couple of days. I went into his room tonight and he was staring at it with tears running down his face. By the end of our conversation we were both crying. I don't think he has a clue about why he was taken from his mom. Everytime I get to though I make sure he knows that it isn't anything he did that made him move soo much. Every ounce of me wants to tell him to forget about her, to tell him all the bad choices she made and that if he will just let me show him I will never leave him or give him up or betray him. But you don't say that to 6 year old boys, yet alone any child. I just remind him that she was trying really hard to be a good mom and that he can and will miss her forever. I tell him that me and Adam want to replace all those bad memories with good ones. I tell him that we love him soooo much and that when he hurts, I hurt. He isn't sure what to say when I cry so most of the time he just lays on me. I know that lately we have been talking quite openly about the adoption and how he will be our son for forever and that his name will change and I think that is a lot to process, on top of finding a picture of your mom.
He gives us bits and pieces of his past when we least expect it....some things that aren't in his written history, some things that make us cringe, most things make us disgusted and we question him to make sure that he is giving us the right details.
I just pray that God would heal his little heart and give us words to say and actions that will show him how dedicated we are. I know this is worrying about things that I can't control but I am already dreading the day that he will come to us and want to find out more about his bio mom. It makes my stomach hurt honestly......oh, that is so far away and so not worth my time to worry about...but if you think of it pray for our family and my irrational and time inappropriate fears :).

Here a video of Eli singing " I've got JOY down in my Heart" in the pool.

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