1. I actually do like to sleep, despite what Adam thinks. I used to wake up at the crack of dawn on weekends and have 15,000 things done before Adam ever even knew I was out of bed. However, you couldn't pay me enough right now to get any less sleep.
2. Sleep matters. I am an ogre at both the midnight and 3 o'clock feeding. I don't like who I am and how I treat others. Poor Adam is the only other soul up with me then so he gets the majority of my ranting. However, God spoke to me today through chapel at our school. Those sermons are geared towards our students but I KNOW God put it in place for ME today. We read Philipians 4:1-9
1 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!
2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.
Final Exhortations
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.Do you see that? Paul is writing this in prison and is still telling people to REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS!!! I should be rejoicing at midnight and 3 that God has blessed us with another baby. I should be focusing on the positive aspects rather then the negative. I have found that the nights where I pray over Izzy at his feedings, things go smoother. No, he doesn't fall asleep when I want him to but I do find more patience and keep calm. I need to think of things that are true-we are his parents, God ordained us to be...things that are noble--we should be speaking biblical truths over him regardless of what his little brain can retain, things that are right--we should be pouring into him love..like I say with Goob and Ribbit...we want to do 5000 right things for every 1 thing that was done to them...things that are pure--my love for Izzy needs to be as pure as my love for Goober and Ribbit. I admit that I am finding it hard with him b/c there is a chance that he could be taken from me and I am SO MAD at the world about that. I am mad for my kids and for my own selfish reasons but the pure thing is that he didn't ask for any of that and just needs as much as I can give him right now. Whatever is lovely--watching GOober and Ribbit love on him is the loveliest thing ever and I should be one happy momma at how my kids are loving on their baby brother. Whatever is admirable---Adam said it best " we are called to take care of orphans, we were never promised that we would get to keep them"..so what is admirable right now is that we pray for the birthmom, that she would come to know Jesus and that she would turn her life around, even if that prayer means that the end result is losing our baby boy. whatever is excellent or praiseworth----what is excellent is that God gave us 3 kids in under 13 months and what is praiseworthy is that he keeps giving us what we need to take care of them, he modeled unconditional love for us so that we could pass that on to them.
Another awesome lesson came from my bible study group tonight. I meet with 5 AMAZING women every Wednesday night. I was going to skip tonight and sleep but I am so glad that I went (and took Izzy with me). They poured into me and prayed over me. They affirmed me and reminded me that I too have motherly instincts, even if I didn't birth him. I need to stop doubting myself and just take one day at a time. I need to plead to God and pray relentlessly......he needs to be my first answer not my last and only hope. I need to cling to truth and divulge in scripture, otherwise satan will sneak in and put all these worries in my head, which lead to anxiety, which when mixed with no sleep produces an awful mommy.
God definitely used today to rejuvenate my mind. I am so anxious about Izzy's upcoming visit with his birth mom that I can't sleep even when he does. I am so worried about our future and the way it will impact our life and our kiddo's life. I keep wanting to rush forward to the day when she terminates rights or when she is forced too but I need to trust that God is going before me and preparing me for what will happen. I am so lucky to have Adam as my partner, he is much more rational (even with little sleep) than I am and keeps speaking scripture over me and loving me, even when I am being unlovable. (Its actually kind of annoying, I keep telling him to stop being so dagum perfect and screw up...but alas, he is Adam and has a good dose of self control......makes a wife crazy sometimes :).
So thats our update for this week...I wrote this super fast because Izzy is going to wake up for his feeding now at any time. Its probably not well written and with lot of grammatical errors, but we are in SURVIVAL MODE and I was going to go crazy if I didn't share all the ways God is speaking to me through this little 5 week old ball of fussiness!!
More pictures for y'all!
Momma and Baby...there was a blowdryer blowing to keep Izzy warm but I love that it looks like my hair is naturally blowing in the wind.....ahhh, nose to nose.
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