Monday, January 23, 2017

The no-good, bad, ugly week

Ever have one of those weeks that you don't wanna talk about because it was a nightmare to go through the first time?

We had that week with our oldest. He decided to do some things at school that would have got him suspended had he been in a public school. He decided to be selfish and lie to our faces (which hurts the most). He decided that hiding grades would somehow never catch up to him and now is looking at repeating 6th grade. It was just a huge blow up of things and lie after lie was exposed. We sat in the Dean of Behavior's office and just begged her to help us, begged her to SCARE the fire out of him.

She did. He has shown some remorse, I would like to see him mourn over his sin but I think that may only come if he actually repeats 6th grade. Its hard to know what to say as a parent but in my heart I sometimes question his relationship with the Lord and how much he depends on Him. We have given him a lot of instructions this week that sound like this "pray, read the bible, ask God for help"..."we don't know what else to say or ask you or beg you to do so just pray that God changes your heart"...."you have to want this, we can't want it bad enough for you".

God showed off to me big time this morning through the story of Noah. It was a sermon I wasn't honestly thrilled to hear as I feel like there is nothing new to learn through Genesis. However, as usual I was dead wrong and God brought several verses alive to me....especially as a parent. He grieves over the sin of the world in Genensis 6:6 and our sin "grieves his heart"...that is his first response to our sin...grief. Not anger. Sadness, not rage.

I finally felt like I could put to words what I felt for Goober this whole week. Sadness, mourning over his sin, mourning over his love of the flesh, mourning over my inadequacy to parent him. Madness and Anger didn't sit right and it didn't get his attetion....but when I got so worked up that I cried and when his dad showed great disappointment in him, he listenend, he cried. When we tried to show him how his actions spoke sadness into others lives and made them grieve he listenend.

God also showed me this morning that Noah did all that God asked him big things. Build an ark that should have taken modern day machines to build. Build an ark for "rain".."rain" that had never come before. Noah did things when all other humans were giving into their sensual desires and making decisions that seemed to make their life more fun, more convenient, more self pleasing. .....and then there is me. Heck, I can't do what I am asked to do for one solid day....I can't imagine doing all that is asked of me. I can't give as much as I am gently nudged to do, I can't parent as compassionate as I am asked to do. I can't go one day without hating somoene in my heart...and then there was Noah who lived so righteously that he was worth saving, he and his family. Very convicting.

Now I know how to pray for my Goober. That God will find him to be faithful when no one else is. That God will teach him how to mourn over his sin, that he will hate the idea of grieving God and that God's kindness will lead him to repentace. That God will show him how GOOD he has it, how gracious he has been (and no I am not talking about his adoption by Adam and I but rather his adoption by the Good Father).

Opening a late christmas gift from a friend while out on her breakfast date with Mommy.

She loves taking notes in her new bible. I just have to convince her to not write down what I do...hehe. She wants to copy evyerthing I WRITE or underline or circle!

Pep Rally at school...they both wanted to sit in my lap...fine with me!

In ligther news as we were meeting with a counselor this week to explore some options she listened as I rambled off some suggestions from the Dean of Behavior and then she grabbed me and said "Hey, I don't want to point out the obvious, but your children are adopted and they have a lot of rescources available to them through the state, right?". I was stunned. I honestly forgot that they are adopted. I forget that they have access to help, counseling, therapy, testing, health benefits. I forget because I see so much of their father and I in them. I am blind to their skin color....I LOVE THAT. I LOVE that someone has to remind me of their adopted state ...hehe.

Acorn squash with apples and sage sausage......YUMMY!!!

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