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Friday, February 26, 2016

Every stinkin time

Every stinkin time my kiddos make me feel like I am going to loose my ever loving mind God shows me another character of himself.

Imagine that you get up super early, run 3 miles then head to CrossFit where you lift heavy (ok, well heavy for a girl) weights, race home to make a healthy breakfast and get everyone out the door, teach 5 classes-2 bible, 3 art, mostly dealing with fantastic young minds but every now and then have a snot nose come your way, then head to a meeting that you really don't mind being at but wish you could be home tackling that load of laundry....and then the first thing you hear when you finally get home and sit down for the first time since lunch (and maybe not even then) is that your 5th grader took his friends shoe and microwaved it when the teacher stepped out in the hallway.
Awesome right.
The kind of day I want to happen over and over.
There are other aspects like lying about the details, bragging about it to older kids, sassing his daddy in the process etc, etc. but I mean dang. This is also after a week of 3 other marks for things like disobedience, not following instructions, not having the right uniform on, etc, etc.

But then when you begin to think through this long day you have had of teaching, organizing a 500 entry art competition, repeating yourself over and over and reminding students that the pencils don't grow legs, they are still in the pencil drawer...you remind yourself of how long and awful your day has been and now this little stinker makes it even worse with his awful horrible sin nature...............God whispers quietly (as you yell)......but I died for that sin, so bring it to me......... I feel that way when you constantly sin and constantly disobey me.........you are not any better than that little 5th grade boy, in fact you are far worse and YET..I still love you both, a whole lot and I wouldn't change a thing when I sent my son to die for your stinkin, rotten sin...or his stinkin, rotten, melty school shoe sin.

Its funny how our children lead us to the throne of grace, seeking forgiveness and wisdom, discernment between punishment and discipline, how to speak love yet firmly let them know that their obedience matters. Its funny how after 2 days that 5th grade boy cried out for his birthmom saying things like " i bet she has changed, I want her to so I can see her heaven". "I know what adults who disobey do, I know the decisions they make, I know what happened".....When in fact he has no clue that we pray for her salvation constantly, we want nothing more. When in fact he doesn't have a clue what happened and until he wants to know we will never disclose the awful CRAP he went through before CPS stepped in. Its so hard to let him miss her, we have too, but to let him miss her and think that he would better off with her when he has no clue what he was saved from. And not saved by us, saved by a God who knew that this little boy would need a family who could just offer him a chance and offer him a God who forgives everything, repeatedly. Its hard when he only misses her when we discipline him and tends to suggest that she wouldn't be so hard on him or that he is acting this way because of her decisions. Its such a fine line to walk, its so hard to keep quiet and not slip out a "SHE HURT YOU, SHE MADE AWFUL DECISIONS, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW BLESSED YOU ARE, DON"T YOU SEE". Instead God allows us to remind him that God has given him a chance to share his story and talk about adoption from an earthly and kingdom perspective. Instead we tell him that she she didn't know what she was doing and that she did the best she could. Instead we tell him that he has to pray for her salvation and that we love her (and we do) for allowing us the chance to be parents. It just so hard.....as he gets older I am sure he will demand more answers..he already did last weekend...and I guess when he is ready we will need to be to. Until then we will keep letting him cry into our shoulders, encouraging him to miss her but to remember how blessed he is and that our discipline equals love.

Today is Adam's birthday. He was content to get a healthy version of his favorite dessert Blueberry Fluff made into a Paleo Blueberry Chocolate Protein breakfast bread..that I must say was fantastic. We gave him a new Columbia Auburn shirt, he got lots of cards at school and lots of phone calls. He chose dinner tonight which was our favorite Mediterrean place. I LOVED that not one of us wanted to finish our plates...in fact we brought home two bags of food and Adam said he just wasn't used to that much food anymore....Veggies/Fruits and good protein fill you up too but you don't feel sluggish afterward and we all hit that wall very quick....even ordering lamb/salad/babganoush!

So Happy Birthday to my love....thank you for parenting with me. I wouldn't trade our children or their stories for anything. I love the home you have helped me build and the leadership you give to our home. I love you for teaching Goober to be a man but letting him cry into you. Thank you for making me look fantastic in their eyes and complimenting me to the point of annoyance :). Thank you for spending time with our kiddos, not money on them. Thank you for loving my family and being a best friend to my brother...I am eternally grateful to have you both in my life as strong men who lead. Thank you for loving me and seeking me out over 10 years ago. Thank you for not letting me break up with you and showing up at my door step to end the long-distance relationship :). Thank you for the integrity you show in every single compartment of your life...honestly, you are one in a million.




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