TOO FUNNY!!

My friend sent me this on facebook and I laughed out loud several times.



11 steps to Parenthood

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

So much JOY

So to catch up over the last couple of days....

Friday was fun, it was Adam's birthday so we celebrated a lot. Goober and I went to sonic before school to get a drink since Dad let us use the last little bit of a gift card he had. Goob asked to call dad after we got our drinks. So when I handed him the phone he said " thank you for the sonic and I told mom she can't get frustrated at you when there is no gas in the car "...hehe. I thought that he didn't notice a conversation earlier in the week when Adam had left me gasless before school one morning but OH NO, he heard and he was telling me to behave :).

At lunchtime I walked down to Goob's school and ate lunch with him. One little boy complained the whole time about what his mom had packed...it was hilarious. A little girl shhhhhed me and Goob and said " the first 10 minutes of lunch are quiet time". Goober told me I had tomato breath. Then he saw I had packed him a little snack bag of M&M's the same little boy looked at me and said " you know that is unhealthy"....HAH!

For dinner that night we took Dad to CiCi's and the kids ate tons of pizza and then played in the arcade. Goober drew Dad a card with everyone on it....its quite a piece of artwork and I am going to frame it soon! Then we got home and watched both Ice Age 1 and Ice Age 2.....which for dad and I meant an hour nap :).

We also got my car fixed on Friday which cost the exact same amount as two checks we received in the mail that day. THANK YOU GOD!!!! One was for my coaching of club volleyball and the other was someone paying us back.

Saturday morning I left at 6 in the morning for a volleyball tournament north of Dallas. The kids had fun all day with dad and they sent me pictures. They finished building Goober's fort which is a very neat fort for a kid his age. Dad let him use his new drill to make it extra strong. Ribbit played outside all day but ended up getting taken out by a swing, the merry-go-round and then did some face plants in the dirt. Oh well, she was happy.

During the afternoon while Ribbit was napping, dad and Goob watched Ice Age 1 and 2 again....oh yeah, another nap for Dad. Do all kids watch movies like that.....back to back? I mean its okay if they do, more sleep for us!!!

Saturday night we all made dinner together and then we split up and took the kids into their own rooms to play. Ribbit and I danced to her new kitty cat piano, played with her whack-a-ball and then she wrestled me everytime I said " shoes" ....she thought it was hilarious!!! Dad and Goob played with his new car tracks and then got scrabble ready for the three of us to play after Ribbit went to bed.

Scrabble was interesting. WHo knew that teachers were telling kids that NFR and DTH were words? :)Our main goals were to 1) get Goober to sit still and finish something and 2) to get him to read every word that was laid down. We only used 3 and 4 letter words and he did good sounding them out. Adam told him several times " dont look at mom's mouth, look at the word". I am a little bit of a pushover and I try to help too much. Who would have thought that? Everyone who knows us agrees that they all thought that I would be the strict parent....even Adam. But that is completely opposite of how it is. Adam sticks to the rules and routines we have sat up and uses really big words :). I am just out for kisses and cuddle time and beg Adam if I can keep them up just for 10 more minutes :).

After scrabble Goob laid on the couch with me and I rubbed his head b/c his stomach was hurting. He was out in 10 minutes and went to bed easily.

This morning we were all up and eating breakfast at 7:15. We got ready for church and made it with 10 minutes to spare. Goober loves his sunday school teacher and she asked us to fill in for her on an upcoming weekend....we are excited because Goob has a hard time remembering what he did in sunday school, so this will give us a good insight. Ribbit of course went straight in and stole the hearts of all of the nursery workers....they all tell us that she is so easy and sweet....of course she is, she is our child :).

Goob came with us to the first part of our sunday school to pass out Thank You cards for presents he had received. Then he went down to children's church. He told everyone how hungry he was and that he got no breakfast....WHAT!!, he definitely had a bowl of cereal!

Lately, he has been watching my every move when I am driving. He says " mom, you are going 32 in a 30, or you just went under the yellow light, I bet you are going to get pulled over again. Why did I ever teach him how to read the speed or tell when you are getting close to being out of gas??????

He has also started to volunteer to pray at dinner and before bed. They usually go like this " Dear God, please help mom feel better, help dad finish his book, make Ribbit sleep more and less whiny, in the name of Jesus ( hehe), Amen. " We are very glad that he likes to pray and that he is taking it seriously.

Overall great last couple of days....we are all looking forward to spring break in a couple of week and spending a whole week at the beach!!!

About to drop

Its only 8:15 and I feel like I am about to crash. Yesterday was very looonnng but very blessed. We took about 80 pieces of artwork and 20 students to an art competition. Two of my mixed media students brought home first place ribbons. The young man that I have been coaching in art history brought home second place, which means they all will go to state :).

Then I had to head back over to school for a baby shower thrown by my 7th grade girls and club volleyball team. On the way my car started acting crazy weird, which confirmed to us even more that this may be the weekend of the mini-van...its been a long time coming but we need it desperately!

The shower was more than we ever deserve. It was like a christmas morning on steriods for the kids. Wait, til you see these pictures.

THis is just the toys and bedding.....its pretty much everything off of our registries!!! Good also got about 6 outfits and Ribbit got about 15 outfits. We also got a ton of gift cards to both Wal-Mart and Target which is soooo great! I mean Adam and I were astounded at how awesome our school family has been to us throughout the adoption...maternity days, showers, money, food, you name it!!!!

After that I had volleyball practice til 7:30ish and then I headed home. Ribbit had a night terror last night and could not be soothed for a good 20 minutes. It scared both Goob and I and we eventually let her watch 10 minutes of spongebob and then she was out cold!

I took both kids to the doctor today ( thanks to those maternity days :0)) and they both are on track for height, weight and head size. Ribbit doesn't need to gain more weight until she grows more :)...she is a chunk! The doctor asked if I was their mom or foster parent, and Goob answered " mom, well she will be"....which totally 100% shocked me. Adam and I have been careful not to use the "a word" around him since so many other people have told him that they would adopt him and then not followed through. He is such a smart little boy though...and the fact that he wants this to happen melted me!

As the doctor was checking him I noticed that he didn't have on any underwear....when I asked why he said " well its your fault, you didn't lay any out for me". I was laughing so hard. I guess I do normally lay out the entire outfit but this morning we had staff devotion and I was running late so since I didn't put out underwear so he just didn't wear any :).

He has also started calling me " mommy" now, which is 10 times sweeter than mom, but I will take either or!

Ribbit fell today while we were at the park and skinned both knees and her head. She is a rough one, loves to run up and down the ramps at the park. She finally mastered " more" in sign language and did it several times at dinner tonight! Its very weird to me how much our dinner time has changed. It used to be Adam and I eating very thought out meals in front of the TV. Now its Goober eating one of the 10 things the kid will actually eat, Ribbit eating most of my food and Adam eating Goob's leftovers while keeping the cats off the dining room table. Poor cats, they aren't used to us eating there and think its still their territory! I always eat a pretty good lunch at school because I know its the one meal of my day that I won't have to share with Ribbit :).

Adam has been working trying to fix the car for most of the day. We are hoping to keep it, get rid of the truck and get a van. We may have to change that plan though depending on what he can get accomplished tonight.

We are having family portraits made this weekend so I can't wait to post those! One of my girls got Ribbit a tutu and a bumble bee outfit so I am going to get some single pictures made of her in those.